The Little Things

(These beauties were in full bloom on our wedding day and always blossom on our anniversary.)

Each year on our wedding anniversary, I do my best to gather my thoughts well enough to express my love for my husband. It’s hard to gush about someone without coming across as braggy or less than genuine. I’d hate it if my words or photos left my female counterparts rolling their eyes at my latest attempt to paint a picture of a perfect life.

Know that for every photo that I post of a lovely looking meal there’s a not-so-appetizing greenish brown smoothie (yum!) or overcooked piece of salmon being served. For each adorable pet picture, there could just as easily be one of Cooper puking on the carpet (double yum!).

The same goes for our marriage. For every blog post proclaiming that my husband is the sweetest man alive, there’s an unwritten post about the times that we get on eachother’s nerves. I try my best to toe the line of acknowledging and celebrating the beautiful things, without denying the existence of the not-so-beautiful things.

Three years into marriage and I think we’re getting a better handle on not setting unrealistic expectations for ourselves (we still have miles to go). We don’t yet live in our dream home, one of our cars is the same one I cruised around in at 16,  our pets are kind of crazy, I can’t really guarantee that all of the rooms in our house will ever be clean at the same time. But we’re trying.

Three years is an in between kind of anniversary. Not a hallmark ten and not the romanticized first. Yet, I still want to shout my love for Jake from the rooftops (cue the rolling eyes).

But for real, I found a good one, you guys. He’s the kind of man that shows up for me every day. He remembers to put a dozen eggs in our cart at the store because we only have three left at home. He never fails to plan something special for my birthday and usually on a tight budget. He still reaches for my hand when we cross the street.

Do these things sound less than romantic? I’ll tell you, after fourteen years together and three years of marriage it’s the little things that make all of the difference.

Married Without Children

 

Lately, I've been all about bringing my camera along to capture snapshots of our everyday life. Things we love to do, that I don't ever want to forget. 

We often focus on documenting the wedding, arrival of a new baby, children's big milestones etc. But there's something about right now that feels worthy of being remembered. Married without children. The middle, if you will. 

This confuses some people on the outside looking in. When are you two going to have children?  The trap... Sometimes those outside voices start to seep in and sound like my own. I feel constant pressure to hurry up and get to the next stage of our lives.

I get so caught up in the race, that I forget how important right now is. Married without children does have its perks. We get to do things like browse through our favorite record store on a Saturday at our leisure. We can be totally spontaneous and make decisions with little forethought or planning involved. 

Best of all, we've had time to focus on one another. We've been working on building a solid foundation before we grow our family. 

I'm beyond excited for the day that we have children of our own, but right now I'm enjoying spending way too much (uninterupted) time looking for the right Simon & Garfunkel album.

New Month Resolution

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Can you believe it's already the last day of February? For me, the beginning of a new month signifies a chance to start fresh. March also just happens to be my birthday month. Another passing year brings with it a chance for reflection and self improvement.

In honor of my birthday month, I'm creating a new month resolution: To live with intention and purpose.

Since I'm no longer working outside of the house, being intentional with how I spend my time is crucial. With so many balls in the air, it's easy for the day to get away from me. I've been known to get stuck on (read obsess over) one task for too long -- leaving me with little time to finish the rest.

Beyond  being intentional with work, I often need a reminder to set aside time for life. A nice dinner with my husband, a walk with the dog, time to decompress and enjoy life. It's weird, but I feel like I need to schedule these things to make sure that they happen.

Time management... I guess it's not my greatest strength. I'd love to improve on this without having to live by a rigid schedule. That's why I'm hoping you'll share what works best for you.




What keeps you centered and on track? Feel free to share your resolution or goals for the new month in the comments.

The Glorification of Busy

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When I read this quote a while back, it implanted itself in my mind and I've come to recognize that there's something deeper here. Busy has a positive connotation in our culture. If someone is busy, they must be in high demand, important -- wanted.

I think if we question what we have on our plates, most of us would find that we have unnecessary tasks on our to-do list. I know that I do. This got me thinking about what impact being busy has on our lives. The key areas for me:

Friendships: On more than a few occasions I've said to a friend, "Sorry I haven't called. I've been so busy!" as if that lets me off of the hook. In all honesty, I think there's a subconscious part of me that equates being busy with being successful. I've always cared a little too much about what others think of me, old friends especially.

Family: I know that when I'm overwhelmed it's my family that feels the brunt of it. Particularly, my mom and Jake. I tend to lash out at the people I feel safest with. They're the ones that I know will love me through it. I'm making an effort to get better at this. Besides adjusting my attitude, I have to recognize that there are unnecessary stressors in my life. It is irresponsible to take on more than we are meant to handle. Furthermore, It's hard to have real and intimate moments with the people that you love when you're always thinking about the next place that you have to be.

Personal growth: I think keeping busy bars me from taking an honest look at my life and the person that I am. I'm most introspective when I am alone and things are quiet. When I'm rushing from point A to B, there's not much time to sit with my thoughts. I think that's one of the reasons that I am drawn to writing/blogging -- it forces me to take time to sit and reflect. I've found that writing helps me to be more intentional with the way that I live.

Time is not a renewable resource, we only have so much of it. I'm challenging myself to be more selective about the things that I sign up for or the events that I have to be at.

Rather than rush from place-to-place and task-to-task I want to make a phone call to someone important to me, spend quality one-on-one time with my husband, or even (gasp) have some quiet time alone.

Do you look at being busy as a positive? Are you able to say no to unnecessary tasks? 

I'd love to hear more about how you find balance.

Thoughts on Negativity

Lately I have felt pulled in 1,000 different directions. I spend a lot of time worrying about the areas of my life that could use more of my attention, more of me.

Even though I know it is wrong, I always seem to let the negative voices take over. You know the voices that I am referring to, right? The ones that tell you that your best is not good enough. The ones that hold on to the negative and hurtful things that others say about you, but are quick to forget a genuine compliment from a friend.

Just when I think that I have everything under control the voices start to creep in.

Why is it that we are able to offer forgiveness and understanding to others but not to ourselves? Aren't we deserving of the same level of empathy that we would extend to a friend or loved one?
 

If you have been feeling at all like I have lately, promise me that you will try to be kind to yourself. I've come to realize how difficult it is to give fully to others, to nurture relationships that matter, without first nurturing oneself.

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Yellow

During our trip to say our goodbyes to my grandpa, Jake and I took an evening drive to a gorgeous field of sunflowers that went on as far as the eye could see.

Everywhere that we went, there were little signs that we believe were sent from my grandpa. I felt very connected to him standing in that field. Without going into too many details, he had suffered a long illness, so his death was accompanied by a sense of peace. We can't help put feel relief for him, knowing that he is free.

We witnessed something sacred when the sun set over that field, casting a warm yellow glow. It was as if my inner-most feelings and memories of my grandpa were being displayed before our eyes.

Some back story: My grandpa had a somewhat strange, yet funny love for Leann Rimes. When her first single came out he asked for the CD and would play "Blue" for anyone that would listen. He couldn't get over the fact that she was 14 and only a little bit older than his granddaughters. 

When we pulled onto the road to drive away, sunflower field in the rear-view mirror, I turned up the radio to hear "Blue" coming from the speakers. I wouldn't believe that it had actually happened, if I didn't have Jake sitting next to me with his mouth hanging open, since I had just told him that morning about how my grandpa loved to play that song.

The Tallest Tree

 

This past week, I drove up the east coast with my parents to Syracuse, N.Y. to visit my grandma as she underwent chemotherapy. 

Our trip was peppered with reminders of how much our family has changed in recent years. Some of our most sharp and quick-witted family members moved at a slower pace. Loved ones that once were at the top of our list to visit, were no longer there. It seemed at every turn, was a reminder to not take my youth, health or life for granted.

My parents both grew up in Syracuse, but my family moved away when I was nine - so, most of my memories there are from my early childhood. After visiting my grandpa in the nursing home, my mom took me for a drive past the house that we lived in when I was born.

My mom seemed taken aback when she saw the large plum tree that engrossed the entire front of my parent's first home together, "I just remembered - we planted that tree when you were born. Dad and I both talked about bringing you back here someday to see how much it had grown".

This trip was a clear example for me of the brevity of life and the mark that time leaves on each of us as we age. Yet, I found comfort there, staring up at that sprawling plum tree...  Even during the toughest times (perhaps, especially during hardships) there is always opportunity for growth.

Open Letters on Marriage

Something that I've realized since entering the blogging world, sharing only the surface of our marriage does not do justice to either of us. In honor of our first wedding anniversary I'd like to share some thoughts on marriage. I've geared these thoughts toward both single and married readers.

Dear single readers,

Our wedding day was only one out of the past 366 days that we have spent as husband and wife (leap year). 1/366 - is a pretty small fraction. I say this because I have found that many of us put too much time into dreaming about the wedding, rather than preparing for the marriage.

Avoid the race to get married at all costs. I promise you this, if you rush into marriage, or end up living with someone that you aren't actually compatible with, you will feel far more alone than you ever could imagine as a single person. Some of the things that life threw at Jake and I during our first year of marriage would have left us in pieces if we didn't fully trust and unconditionally love one another.

On the outside looking in, it is easy to imagine that things are perfect for us married people. It isn't. But if you're lucky - it is rewarding.

Dear married readers,

Don't be so hard on yourself. You are not alone if you have cried yourself to sleep once or twice during your first year of marriage. It is normal if the sound of your spouse's chewing makes you want to jump out of a second story window. Do you ever feel guilt for not being the perfect partner? Me too.

Let's all try to avoid the comparison trap, kapeesh? I read a quote recently that resonated with me,

Photo By Rhonda Danner Quote by Stevin Futrick

Social media and blogs are often used as a place to share our highs. Pictures when we look our best, stories of our lavish vacations, Instagrams of the best meal we have eaten in months. While these snippets are fun to share, they do not make up the majority of our lives. The truth: I have dishes piled up in my sink and the floor of my closet is completely covered with dirty laundry.

Something valuable that I learned during our first year of marriage is to take the time to celebrate one another. As adults, it is rare that others will pat you on the back, even when you may really deserve it. Be the person who gives your spouse credit where it is due.

That being said, I have to give a shout out to my husband for everything he has done during our first year to make our marriage work...

Dear Jake,

You wash more than your fair share of dishes. When I get down on myself, you remind me of who I am. You acknowledge the fact that I am the best car dancer in the history of the world. You build me up even when I may not deserve it. I am so grateful for your endless supply of patience. We made it through the dreaded first year! Happy anniversary.









P.S. I am guest blogging today over at Great Expectations! Check it out by clicking here.

Be Here Now

The photo above was taken during one of the best days that I can remember in recent time. A hike through the woods with my husband and dog. We took the time to slow down and really see one another. 

So much of my life lately has been consumed by what is to come, that I am easily distracted from appreciating what I have now. There are many things that I want... But, what I have now is worth celebrating.

I easily fall prey to the, "Where do I see myself in five years from now?" pitfall. Sure, it is important to plan - but simply existing and being present is invaluable to one's spirit.

One of my favorite scholars on the importance of living in the present is Eckhart Tolle. Specifically, I find the below words of his to be a very powerful reminder:

"If the thought of lack – whether it be money, recognition, or love – has become part of who you think you are, you will always experience lack. Rather than acknowledge the good that is already in your life, all you see is lack.

No matter what you have or get, you won't be happy. You will always be looking for something else that promises greater fulfillment, that promises to make your incomplete sense of self complete and fill that sense of lack you feel within.

 Acknowledging the good that you already have in your life is the foundation for all abundance.” -Eckhart Tolle A New Earth

I hope that this wisdom will implant itself in my stream of consciousness. I want to make a real effort not only to speak or hear this school of thought, but to live it.



Do you have any advice or words of wisdom on how you have been able to live in the now?

Lately

Notice anything new? Heather, from Life Made Lovely worked her magic!

Lately, I've been thinking about writing with more intention. 

About putting words out there that I can look back on and remember exactly how I felt in a specific moment.

It is a struggle for me to be vulnerable and to share my truth. 

I must admit, I can be rendered paralyzed by the fear of what others think.

It seems impossible to live an earnest and creative life, while seeking approval from others.

I have drawn inspiration from some of the incredible blogger's words that I have read lately.

I want to start honoring where I am, at this juncture in time.

To embrace and celebrate the now, if you will.

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And so I pose these questions to you, bloggers and writers: Do you find it difficult to express yourself in written words? How have you overcome your fear of being wrong?